1. |
Ear Defenders
00:54
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A question to provoke invective
Is your parenting defective?
Took your kids to Glastonbury
And made them wear ear defenders?
Give them the experience
With none of the noise, but the
Noise is the experience
Did they even get the choice?
They're caught on the T.V. cameras
Spinning round like little tits
A lifetime of cruel bullying awaits; and
They didn't even get to hear the hits
Not a bad idea
When i think of it
Cos at Glastonbuurry, the
music's usually a little bit shit
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2. |
The Socials
01:28
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Get me off Facebook,
Get me off Twitter,
Get me off Insta;
They're making me bitter.
It would be nicer,
and totally free,
To wear a sign that
says,"Look at me!"
I'm not on Insta,
i'm not on Twitter,
Can't get off Facebook
While there's time to fritter -
If you can't help me,
Just take a hike; but
Not before you
Leave me a "like"!
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3. |
Let's Go To A Disco
01:50
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Lets go to the disco
And drink until you think we've had enough;
We could just say "no"
Stay in, play 'Bingo',
'Monopoly 'or 'Risk 'or 'Hungry Hippos'
Lets go to the disco
Cause mischief and discord
Act like total dickos
And request bad records
Lets go to a disco
In San Francisco
And stay awake until the break of day
No need for a pillow
In the back of our limo
We will not need sleep until next week
Lets go to a disco
Cause mischief and discord
Might be total thickos
Stuck like a broken record
Lets go to a disco
Act like Eric Bristow,
Downing all the pints and chucking darts
Watching the beer flow
Down at the disco
Is a sport; and also it is art.
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4. |
Do You Kazoo?
01:17
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In my Johnny Rotten top
I went into the music shop
With punk heroes on my mind,
Put down £1.69 (NICE!)
I declined the instrument
Insurance when I bought this thing
It just seemed to me to be the most
Punk thing to do (PUNK!)
Authentic and true, well, is that you?
If you do, tell me true, do you kazoo?
Now I'm having second thoughts
About the plastic that I bought
I don't want to be alone
So please - do you kazoo? (YES!)
Im not sure it's very punk
But would like to mosh and ruck
All night long to my punk songs,
And dance to the kazoo? (YES!)
We could become two, if that's good for you, so
If you do, tell me true, do you kazoo?
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5. |
Ça Craint!
01:44
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Suicide bombing,
a comet is coming
Climate change is here
Nothing we can do
You're still complaining
Fred came off the bench
Oh God, you stupid sod.
As they say in french:
Ça Craint, ça craint, j'ai bien peur, ça craint
Ça craint, ça craint, ça suffit parce que oui, ça craint
Powerful earthquakes
World is well screwed
Hey, guy, why so sad
Did Brighton just lose?
Listening to you is
Just too demanding
Say it in French so
I won't understand it
Ça Craint, ça craint, j'ai bien peur, ça craint
Ça craint, ça craint, ça suffit parce que oui, ca craint
Ça Craint, ça craint, Im very sorry that it sucks for you
Ça Craint, ça craint, It must really suck to be you
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6. |
No Cure For The Blues
01:20
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I am fine just a little bit sad
(No cure for the blues)
Here I come, guitar in hand
(No cure for the blues)
Hey I have an idea for a cure for the blues,
Something that you could definitely use.
why not just introduce a legal ban
On every delta humming, guitar strumming man
Who plays those three chords, then enforce it hard
So we can proudly post up #twelve_barred?
Send those who violate it to reeducation camps to
learn how to be more considerate with what you put through your amp!
Though sounds good, I know it's not right
(No cure for the blues)
What would they play at open mics?
(No cure for the blues)
Oh yes, and I almost forgot
(No cure for the blues)
Most buskers would be out of a job
(No cure for the blues)
So No. Yes ... but no.
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7. |
I Hate Nature
02:46
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We walk amongst the trees with a summer breeze blowing up your dress, causing you distress. I'd much rather be at home than out here for a boring roam through the wooded countryside. When you said 'fun walk', well, you lied.
David Attenborough I am not, I'm much less thorough when it comes to all the fauna that you want us both to corner. Oh Golly! We're in luck! Look love, there's a duck! Though I have seen them before. On the telly. That's what it's for.
CHORUS:How I hate ya, Nature
You are not a mate or
Even a kind neighbour, you've
Nothing good to offer
There's not much to see except for endless trees. Im gonna have a strop - where's the record shop, the comic book cafe, somewhere fun to play? There's not much to do but dream of big old poo I'll have when we get home from this boring roam
How I hate ya, Nature
You are not a mate or
Even a kind neighbour, you've
Nothing good to offer
To me ...
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8. |
Breathe!
01:18
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Breathe! That's something you should do
As I hear that breathing is healthy for you;
The long-term benefits of breathing (they say)
Become apparent if you do it every day.
Shingles and scurvy are prevented by breath,
As are gradual weakening, rickets, and death.
If you don't breathe, then that's not good
As doctors tell you that you should;
And don't forget to practice. That's the way
To ensure everything is going to be okay.
If you are unhealthy, there's no doubt
You should try to breathe: both in, and then out;
In, out, in, out
In, out, in
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9. |
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(A film that's better than its book)?
That is easy. Starship troopers
(A myth that's better than the truth)?
Um maybe DB Cooper?
It's the big nerd quiz
Of everything
That makes you you
And you want to win
(The best London-set video game)?
AC Syndicate or Watch Dogs Legion
(Who was your first childhood crush)?
None of your beeswax but it was Wil Wheaton
(How would you describe your life so far)?
To be honest, pretty mediocre
(So can you say it's all been worthwhile)?
I don't know- better play my Joker
Beat the big nerd quiz
Cheating's in your nature
Anything to win
Like a coughing Major*
(Jazz breakdown)
It's the big nerd quiz
So tell me, what's the prize?
A hobnailed boot
Right between the eyes
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10. |
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Did you say
See it, say it, sort it? Or
See it say it sorted?
The way you pronounce it
Has become distorted
By the radio crackle
Of your tannoy message
Do you want our help or are you
Telling us it's dealt with?
You want our help to tackle
Anything suspicious?
I doubt that that's in any way
Wise, just meretricious!
Dont ask British public,
We're not up to the job!
Youll get racist accusations
And gag drawings of our knobs.
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11. |
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If you only lived next door to a heavy metal shop
A purveyor of all things good in pop and rock
You could turn your amp up all the way to seventeen
And rock right out all night without the neighbours complaining
What a dream! What a dream that would be!
When you broke a string, just a short walk to get that fixed
The friendly shopkeeper opens up his shop of tricks
In his leather welder's apron that says "metal dad" on it
He will stroke his goatee-d chin, take payment in guitar riffs
What a dream! What a dream of what can never be!
Cos you don't. No you don't, your flat overlooks an Aldi.
It can't be, it can't be, all you see's a store with carpark
Life is not kind, and it can prove surprisingly dark
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12. |
Unlucky 16
01:55
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Unlucky 16
You have been seen
By the machine
And it sure likes what it can see!
Unlucky 16
Far too green
for the machine but
It would like you to join the team
You can join the army,go to war
You can get married, work the shop floor
You can't vote or go down the pub
if you want to change your gender, be more grown up!
Unlucky 16
Don't mean to be mean
But you're just a teen
You deserve much better, seems to me
You can go and die in foreign war
You can pay your taxes, all you're good for
Can't vote to protest, or drink to forget
You can't change your gender, you're not old enough yet
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13. |
A Difficult Place
01:39
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I am in a difficult place.
It is called Basingstoke.
So baby please, come sit on my face;
Hold firm until i choke
That way I will not see the
horrors laid out in front of me
Come on Baby, please asphyxiate me!
Have you looked around Basingstoke lately?
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14. |
Zaz Ou Zazie
01:56
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Zaz ou Zazie? Ils sont les les mêmes choses
RFM ou NRG? Ils sont les mêmes choses
ils ne sont pas différents x 4
Jules Ferry ou Brian Ferry? x2
Zaz ou Zazie -Ils sont les mêmes choses
Putes ou Potes - Ils sont les mêmes choses
Ils ne sont pas différents x4
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Johnny Cashpoint London, UK
Made of cheese.
