Monotronic, by Johnny Cashpoint

Monotronic

by Johnny Cashpoint

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1.	Happy Early Valentine (You're Dumped) 01:48	lyrics
Here's a February surprise for you - Right between the eyes, you bloody chump. You I never liked so it's time I took a hike. Happy early Valentine, you're dumped! I can't spend another day around you Let alone another two weeks, it's true. Amongst all your lies, here's element of surprise Happy early Valentine, we're through. Tell me what is love? Well, here's the chubby rub - I spent our entire love life recreating Pornhub In my mind, behind closed eyes, but I got wise, just don't care Cos when I open them, you're always there. I find talking about love so very hard So I wrote this all down in your valentine's card You I never liked so it's time to drop the mike. I packed and left last night. with kind regards.
2.	Monotronic 01:35	lyrics
Monophonic Electronic Economic Monotronic Fun. Histrionic And demonic Tragicomic Monotronic fun. Just sit back and listen And i'll explain it to ya Either I'm a genius Or this is monomania... NOISE SOLO With fat fingers Tiny keyboard Hard to make this A masterpiece hear a Monotone and you display behaviour such as sigh, groan or moan? Then this is monomania Montoronic x3
3.	Upon Receiving An Unwelcome Marriage Proposal 01:44	lyrics
On a scale of 1 to 10 For liking to have sex with men, Fear that I'd score highly, Talking 9 or higher. So while your proposal's very kind. You're lovely but you're out your mind. Oh, oh, no, it's out the question! Thought of it gives me indigestion ... On a scale of one to five where one's "me dead" and five's "alive", How much would you kill me If what I've said was true? Truth is I'm just screwing with you For want of something fun to do Oh, oh, no, it's out the question! Thought of it gives me indigestion ...
4.	Johnny Cashpoint & Helen's Evil Twin - Two Monotrons 01:31	lyrics
Everybody's dancing to two monotrons Everybody's dancing, the beat is going strong, Going strong...
5.	My Imaginary Friend Is Cheating On Me 01:29	lyrics
Got a shame I can't explain To the land of make believe I think my imaginary friend Has been off cheating on me He's very close to the girl from number 23 Always going round to sup at imaginary tea It just happened last Sunday After we had lunch Said he was going swimming Left without his towel and trunks I guess I've been naive, it cannot be denied But it is high time i showed some cuckold pride MONOTRON SOLO I have got the power, in an ultimate twist I just have to close my eyes and you won't exist
6.	Body Parts 00:16	lyrics
I'm not into body shaming, I don't care the shape you came in, As long as you have heart baby, You'll always be a work of art to me.,
7.	Here Lies 01:57	lyrics
Here lies the manager's assistant's Assistant's assistant's assistant Ten years on the tills then Ten years counting all the bills At the end of the day, day after day He could have been a top footballer If only he'd been just one foot taller Had a trial at Kidderminster Harriers Just too short to climb the barriers Could've been, would've been, should've been a journeyman But turns out a white van was to be his masterplan So instead became the manager's Assistant's assistant's assistant Ten years on the tills then Ten years counting bills Until the end of days, at the end of days He could have been a top left winger A famous dillitante or a great lounge singer But had a trial for Crewe Alexandria Just too short of skill to prove to be much handier Could'a been, would'a been, should'a been a journeyman But turns out a white van was to be his masterplan It's the hope that kills. It's the hope that kills.
8.	Standards 01:30	lyrics
You lie and cheat, just constantly impregnate your wife You lack any shame, in your working life They tell us you are Teflon, and nothing ever sticks we'll see if you survive the coming weeks , You have no standards, but then, to be fair, neither do I But at least unlike you, I'll always try Cos we're in this all together, to be better, to the letter, I'll stand hard to prove I'm dignified We'll have to see tomorrow, if we see tomorrow We'll have to see tomorrow, if indeed there is one.
9.	Dog Tornado 01:57	lyrics
Nuns don't work on sundays Dog stops tornado from forming How long does a pencil last? Robot drummers must be stopped forever Random Dada Youtube titles Dog tornado! Dog tornado! algorithm is a prison Dog tornado! Dog tornado! Sports matches with crazy weather If I laugh, I get cancelled The day that Ryan changed forever Sadness in Kakashi's heart Why do yo think I want to watch this? Dog tornado! Dog tornado! Careful what you search for Dog tornado! Dog tornado!
10.	What Not To Say When Meeting The Queen 01:12	lyrics
Happy anniversary Lillibet, Your Majesty Well done for still living Well done, you haven't died Hey, I am still alive And for now, I'm still not dead - Where's my four day weekend? Buy a round for us roundheads Wouldn't want to do my job For a long seventy years But my pension won't allow Me to sit around on my rear Cossetted by the state And my taxes. I could take And take, thus live forever; (Ever escape) Giving shits is much better. If only you had proved to be A lizard you could earn your keep Cage fighting for every penny Then I'm sure we'd all dig deep.
11.	Strangers 01:40	lyrics
I've always relied on the discomfort of strangers Scared look in their eyes proves to be game changer Gives me a thrill, to see them ill or deranged or Simply confused, i'm going somewhere stranger I shouldn't thrive on the unkindness of strangers Like shouting your support for Queens Park Rangers On the Kings Road on match day, leave it for later, Write it down's safer, it looks good on paper I've always enjoyed the discomfort of strangers Feeding on straight boys' fear of the danger of being in same room as a gay singer There is no threat; still makes my soul shiver
12.	Johnny Cashpoint & Pookie K - Owl 01:07	lyrics
I don't know who you are, but I want to tell you how I once saw something happen to an owl. He had some anaesthesia before an operation. The vet thought careful handling deserved consideration. She gently put him on his perch, and thought she had done well. But Mister Owl was out of it, and needlessly he fell. She picked him up, and he was fine, his feathers took the blow; But did he move after this shock? It really was no-go. The ending is: the owl then moved, and everything's okay; But for the rest of his owl life, he won't forget that day.
13.	Dance Of The Idiots 02:26	lyrics
Everybody wants to be Somebody who isn't me That's ok cos I don't care Ignorance is everywhere Turn your I-phone upside down Paint this town shade of dirt brown Burn it down, down to the ground And dance with whoever's around I don't mind you Dancing with me Everybody came to see Somebody who isn't me x 2 That's just fine cos i don't mind Plain is good but hard to find Turn your I-phone upside down Paint this town shade of dirt brown Burn it down, down to the ground And dance with whoever's around I don't mind you Dancing with me But it's plain to see You're mocking me Dance of the idiots x2 Everybody wants to be Something that I cannot be I'm scared of technology Plain is good is plain to see I don't mind you Dancing with me But it's plain to see You're mocking me
14.	Me And Gordon 01:34	lyrics
Me and Gordo walking, talking Through the streets of Amsterdam Pete and Laura Up in front of us On our way to the Jet Lounge This is just a happy memory The only thing in this world that's free Me and Gordo walking, talking In the early April sunshine I can't talk on behalf of Gordon But I was having a whale of a time This is just a happy memory And you cannot take it away from me Me and Gordon, walking, talking Robyn Hitchcock & Dan Treacey From my favourite band of all time The Television Personalities This is just a happy memory This is purely one for me
15.	The Ladybird Book of Being Cool 02:52	lyrics
Every day, in every way, I'm Getting better I followed every single rule To the letter From my ladybird book of the rules Of how somebody can appear so cool Double check appendices It doesn't say Why no-one would talk to me For days and days Searching text for errata strips Flipping pages Need to know why they all hate me Heartbeat racing I'm too cool to be uncool, I'll Glance at my book of rules - I've misread the title, like a fool! It's The Ladybird book of being cruel
16.	Song For Chips 01:42	lyrics
You have a tendency towards the Bourgeoise, Bemoaning social media, then going on it constantly Or When you're ranting about politics to me, Even though you know I agree completely. I love you, you big dummy! So much so it isn't funny .. Meditation, Buddhism, whatever makes you happy; But can I just ask when did you become such a bloody hippy? You're off doing gong bath yoga, guarantee I won't be sober When you make your way back to me. My love for you isn't funny, Which is not that good for my comedy ... The rules of love are just so formal. If we all liked the same things, life would be so awful; But Luckily there's no such thing as normal. We work so screw them all, it is not their call at all; no, not at all.

about

Adventures on a monotron, part 1-16.

credits

released March 15, 2022

All songs written and performed by Johnny Cashpoint
Except "2 Montotrons" Music by j$ & Helen and "Owl"" words by Pookie K.
Features drum samples ;borrowed' off of Idles, Yard Act and Zeecoop.
Written and recorded at Cashpoint Towers 02/01/2022 - 03/11/2022.

On this record, Johnny Cashpoint plays ukulele, keyboards, bass and monotron and also sings.