Here lies the manager's assistant's
Assistant's assistant's assistant
Ten years on the tills then
Ten years counting all the bills
At the end of the day, day after day

He could have been a top footballer
If only he'd been just one foot taller
Had a trial at Kidderminster Harriers
Just too short to climb the barriers

Could've been, would've been, should've been a journeyman
But turns out a white van was to be his masterplan

So instead became the manager's
Assistant's assistant's assistant
Ten years on the tills then
Ten years counting bills
Until the end of days, at the end of days

He could have been a top left winger
A famous dillitante or a great lounge singer
But had a trial for Crewe Alexandria
Just too short of skill to prove to be much handier

Could'a been, would'a been, should'a been a journeyman
But turns out a white van was to be his masterplan

It's the hope that kills.
It's the hope that kills.