Stroll through countryside, past hedges - home to tiny mice -
Roast pub lunch on village green, a garden marquee show,
Potter round the local shop - stocks nothing that you want -
Tea-room for a hot-cross bun, and then it's time to go

Holidays in Blackpool, the lights beside the sea
See what Butler saw at music hall, let H's slip
Road show, deckchairs, knotted hankies, rolled up trouser legs
The only 'paper that we take is wrapped around our chips

Just a flying visit to a country long since dead
Alternate universe where British Empire never set
I've lived here all my life and I've not stumbled on it yet
But still you come a'looking, won't allow us to forget ...

See the jolly policeman, visit public school
Tug upon your forelock to the passing pearly queens
Businessman in bowler hat and purple pinstripe suit
Yes, you've seen The Mousetrap, now it's time to live the dream

Did you find your Avalon? Which way to Arcadia?
Five days spent in Albion looking for sham Camelot -
Rained again last night and it will rain this afternoon ...

Calendar with almost every single weekend blank
Festival of Britain it's a carnival of tat
Five nights, yes that's long enough to see it all, and do it twice -
A mainly empty diary, yes, an awful almanac ...