Life During Wartime Vol.1, by Johnny Cashpoint

Life During Wartime Vol.1

by Johnny Cashpoint

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1.	Who's Zoomin' Who? 01:25	lyrics	buy track
Who’s zooming who Is it me or is it you? Whose turn to speak? Feels like this chat's been going on all week Who’s zooming who? Evening wasted a-waiting a cue for Whose turn to speak? Turns out that not every gay is a geek. A virtual get together Haven’t seen you forever This will bore ya, This is torture, Like the worst Grindr session ever Who’s zooming who? Is there anything can make this better Who’s turn to speak I can just write you all a letter Who's zooming who? Ravi's on dial=up so he can't connect Whose turn to speak? This is why we should be denied the internet Does anyone know the password Is it SO HARD TO untick a box? I am so very bored now Somebody please get out your cocks.
2.	Lichtenstein Dub 02:36	lyrics	buy track
Instrumental
3.	Chinese Flu 01:56	lyrics	buy track
Chinese flu - cash in on the fear Surgical face masks on sale here! World war flu - Feeds press pompousness Scare the jeepers out of the populace My heart is a city in quarantine,from the Infodemic raging like a Fever dream The papers scream “Get out if you can, you can As long as you’re british, F*k the Wuhan clan” Chinese flu- unhappy New Year The year of the rat, and we’ll die just like that Wuhan flu what can we do To avoid us all getting so screwed? My heart is a city in quarantine, Never mind your hands, you've got to wash your black soul clean Made in China or an English patient Let's whip up a manufactured wave of hatred Chinese flu - N95 & N99 Masks and disinfectant wipes Wuhan flu - Hand gels and goggles, they Can’t see your face - Sinophobic mind boggles
4.	KK SLIDER 01:37	lyrics	buy track
Of course, a Midi Dog is all the rage In These skinny, pointless days! In six months animal crossing Will be out of date like flossing But right now, that Dog is off the gauge You should welcome K K Slider and Let him in to grow inside ya King of all the kook outsiders Bow wow down to K K Slider If your island's span and slick He'll will grace you with a gig Happy Endless bunny day Elder Dog's calling, bow down and prey Truth be told,his paws aren't Even playing the chords and His lips don't snyc with the autotune He was born fully grown back in 2001 In dog years he should be dead by now You should welcome K K Slider let him in to grow inside ya sing praise to this dog-botherer On his Bubblegum island of horror If your island's full of weirdos He wont come and sacrifice Beardo To Elder Gods on bunny day but beware that dog is on his way,
5.	Heart of Beef 02:04	lyrics	buy track
It has only been a matter of four weeks, sweetheart And I am starting to look just like Captain Beeftheart I could never be described as dapper But at least I don't look like Frank Zappa Won't come out of this clean shaven, Debonair I'll be More like drop dead Fred than Fred Astaire Got some crazy mess going on downstairs I now rival ZZ Top's beards with my pubic hair It has only taken four hours, sweetheart And I am starting to think like Beeftheart Yes, I'm losing my mind to the avant-garde Keeping my basic focus is proving very hard Oops, there it goes ...
6.	My Hate's Desire 05:22	lyrics	buy track
Sorry to bother ya But I think you gave me cholera I am and I'm not talking shit I fear 7 days of bloody diarrhoea I suspected I got infected Chomping down on all that shellfish That you served up on our third date I blame you, that was selfish Now I’m bleeding from my fat behind Not to mention out of my frayed mind Vomiting, can’t keep down no fluid, Hope you’re happy that I’m ruined Love in the time of hate You don't deserve to become my fate But you are my hates desire I won't burn even when I;m on fire Love in the time of hate Don't you fret, you're doing great At becoming my hates desire I burn with spite, my love's on fire x2
7.	They Cancelled the Footy 01:32	lyrics	buy track
They cancelled the footy (Well, suspended it indefinitey) What do I do during this spell, All these weekends in this new Hell? Curse this existential languor I don’t like the lighting on this comedy of terrors This is the thing that really bothers me There is nothing you can offer me I would quite Liverpool not to win it Brighton to stay up despite their inherent shitness So I would vote for everyone to bin it In one hot and socially biased minute Cos football is a serious business. Cos football is a serious business. Cos football is a serious business. Football doesn't mean f**k all at all
8.	Praise The Sun 02:15	lyrics	buy track
Stretching out in the back garden With no shirt on Hippy dippy yoga nothing bout this seemed that bogus (Praise the sun), praise the sun Come on everybody praise the sun Bang your pots and pans until this lock down's done Inject some disinfectant up your bum And when the sun is done, go out and burn a mast down Never some it coming - Your middle class Buddhism Has downward dogged into sinophobic luddism (Praise the sun), praise the sun Come on all you loonies praise the sun Bang your pots and pans until the day is past Inject some disinfectant up your bum And when the sun is done, go out and burn a 5G mast Captain Tom at number one Something's gone very wrong Why don't you hang out with the gnomes - David Icke and Eammon Holmes Couldn't care less about the NHS You're just clapping for yourself Making noise to celebrate This purile, dead, meaningless state ...
9.	A Song About Nothing 01:43	lyrics	buy track
Well bugger me That's the biggest bee That ever did I see Size of a small tree Tracked it for hours From flower to flower Then onto the internet to Ask how long do bees get? This is a song about nothing Which is what my average day is Have a poo, watch some Youtube Drink too much, podcasts in my play pit Well I just shaved all my hair off makes my head look like one of a pair of Testicles that you should be scared of Something that the doc should take care of This is a song about nothing Which is what my average day is Have a wank, watch some Youtube Drink too much then podcasts in my play pit And if I'm feeling really spicy Write a ditty that's quite dicey This is a song about nothing - Which is what I am.
10.	Spare a Thought 00:53	lyrics	buy track
Though I can bring pleasure to many passives with My massive tool Even I can't claim my schlong's long enough to circumvent the 2 metre rule So addicted to sex but a game of virtual scrabble will Have to do Addict has some "dic" in it, which is sadly more than I can say for you Press my knob against the screen, screening for killer viruses Been doing that my whole gay life, just like AIDS or hepatitis Spare a thought for the sex addict in this time of social distancing, on Grindr everyone's just chatting, you learn that they're all very uninteresting now.
11.	Gravity Is Overrated 02:55	lyrics	buy track
Gravity is overrated Keeps me locked down in low places Want to rise up soar away but I must sit back on my butt Swim through sea of gurning faces Down here with the other crazies No amount of science can save me Think I might go Join the navy Why don't you lecture me On social irresponsibility Gravity is overrated It's a trap for the most basic Something good is getting wasted Like fat chips dowsed in gravy Isaac Newton you are hated Trip Advisor one star rated Running down the streets at night Flap my arms and take full flight Why don't you lecture me On social irresponsibility (Repeat first verse)
12.	Won't You Tell Me Why? 01:52	lyrics	buy track
Won't you tell me why Everyone must die Everyone must die I will tell you why Won't you tell me why Everyone must die Everyone must die Folk are iredeemably awful Stupid, brutal and unlawful Folk are iredeemably awful Stupid fuckers, nothing to it! They worship a lack of information Their Stupidity tries my patience Worship a lack of information Gave them their chance, they went and blew it! CHORUS They don't care what is truthful They can't help themselves when they're being ruthless They don't care what is truthful A few lost souls don't add up to a shoeful CHORUS